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Hilarity ensues
Thursday, September 27, 2007 - 04:56 p.m.


Unsuspecting cat + plexiglass box + water jets = COMEDY GOLD

I had never heard of the PetSpa, so once I stopped laughing I went to the Pet Spa USA website to check out what's supposed to happen to the animal.

Having recently been forced to pin down a thrashing, pissed-off, POINTY cat with one hand while blasting said cat with a shower attachment held in the other hand, I can totally dig the idea of locking Fluffy in a nice, sturdy, claw-proof box and dropping in a few quarters at the LaundroCat. But I don't think I buy their assertion that "Pet's Spa Cabin eliminates the stress produced by current pet cleaning methods." That cat looked pretty effing stressed to me.

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Quotes
Thursday, September 27, 2007 - 01:35 p.m.

This week, work is all about stepping out of my comfort zone and managing large projects in fields where I have little to no real experience. In the words of Father Anderson, our priest, "I'm feeling a little like a mosquito at a nudist colony. I know what do, I just don't know where to begin!"

In the words of Cobie, our lab manager, I am also "busy as a cat covering shit."

And now, in order to assist in the removal of both those mental images, here is a picture of Nanook working the puppy-dog eyes.

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Close to home
Tuesday, September 25, 2007 - 03:19 p.m.

On Friday, an old friend and (dance) classmate of mine from Hendersonville gave birth to her son. The next day, her husband was killed in Baghdad. The Tennessean did a story on them yesterday and Leslie contacted all of us today.

Even if I didn't know her, today's news would have broken my heart just the same. All I can say is, it doesn't seem fair.

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Gripey McBitchalot
Friday, September 21, 2007 - 03:45 p.m.

Yesterday kicked my ass. Seriously. I woke up in a great mood, was totally motivated to come to work and get stuff done, and from there on out nothing went right. By five o'clock, I was nearly crying, mostly out of sheer frustration. By six o'clock, after it seemed like EVERYONE IN THE WORLD had taken a shot at me, I crawled home, completely and utterly defeated. It was not a good day and I am not at all happy with a great many people.

(Maybe by Monday Iíll get over this desire to stab some folk in the face.)

(Then again, maybe not.)

(stabbystabstabstab)

I spent the first part of the week at the ADEM UST Conference in Montgomery, mooching off of various vendors. We didn't buy a meal until lunch on Thursday and we got some fairly nice swag, so I can't say I didn't enjoy it. A few of the talks were almost brutally boring, but most of them contained valuable information about new research, treatment methods, and regulations. If yesterday hadn't come along, I'd say I'm glad I went, but the sheer amount of shit that landed on me as a direct result of the trip has soured my overall impression.

Anyway, I have never been so incredibly grateful for Friday. This weekend weíll be visiting with family and even though I need to, Iím not taking a single bit of work home. It's the weekend and I need these two days.

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Options
Thursday, September 13, 2007 - 05:54 p.m.

The whole situation in Iraq is so screwed up, my opinion on what our country should be doing right now wavers daily.

Leave? Dire consequences.

Stay? Dire consequences.

Build a time machine, go back in time, and make sure W finishes choking on that pretzel? SUCCESS!

Oooh, but Cheney as president in January 2002? DIRE CONSEQUENCES.

...Shit, guys.

:::

This morning I conducted my first ever Phase I Site Reconnaissance, and it just happened to be off of Patton about a mile or so south of Drake. Let me tell you, that is one classy neighborhood. Classy in the sarcastic, oh-is-that-a-meth-lab / so-thatís-what-a-crack-whore-looks-like sense, of course.

Tomorrow Iíll be out at one of our industrial facilities doing a dye trace on their storm sewer. And boy will it be the day for it, since theyíre calling for one to three inches of rain. I'm not sure why, but it always rains whenever I schedule days in the field. The current drought is clearly the result of me being office-bound far too much in the last year.

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Weekend
Monday, September 10, 2007 - 1:51 p.m.

So, our air conditioner crapped out this morning. Hellooooo, Monday. Granted, the unit is 15 years old and we have a home warranty to (hopefully) cover even full replacement, but still. It might not be as hot this week than it's been lately, but high 80s aren't exactly cool either.

The weekend was a good one, nice and laid-back. We picked up our hardwood flooring (all 720 square feet of it), picked out paint colors, and took care of a couple other things around the house. We learned Harvest is finally under a mandatory water restriction due to the drought. Jackie helped Todd finishing siding the shed and brought over his brother to give us a quote on a new vanity for our bathroom. I even had time to read The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini.* I know I'm four years late here, but I'm glad I finally caught up with the bandwagon because it's a fascinating, heartbreaking, wonderful book. I'm probably the last person on earth to read it, but hey, I got there in the end.

* Obnoxious guy from Saturday, please note that it is not, in fact, Hussein. Also, you should probably never contradict me again.

Yesterday, I somehow stumbled across a documentary series on YouTube called hometown baghdad that follows the lives of three Iraqi college students living and attending school in what's left of Baghdad. It's sad, but it's also an interesting look at what things are like right now. Given the political events set for this week, it definitely serves to remind you that "better than last year" doesn't mean "good." Less bad doesn't equal "normal" or "safe" or "Indiana in the summertime."

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I will never go to Texas again
Wednesday, September 5, 2007 - 12:53 p.m.

I'll go ahead and apologize to all you spider-lovers out there (and I know you're out there, I'm related to at least one of you), but this is my WORST NIGHTMARE.

I mean, look at it. Look at it! Can you believe that shit? Web everywhere, spiders that are supposed to be anti-social banding together, how many spiders does it even take to build something like that and DEAR SWEET JESUS THEY'RE TAKING OVER. Breathe deep, go to the happy place, buy stock in Raid, ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod.

....Seriously, you couldn't design a scene that would freak me out more. You think I'm exaggerating, but that's because you didn't see the total wreck I dissolved into the one time I tried to face my phobias. I entered a tiny bathroom in a spider-infested camper trailer, all by myself, with nothing but a flashlight in the middle of the night. Tiny enclosed space, poor illumination, spider webs from hell, and...was thatÖwas that a LIVE SPIDER? Why hello, Sarah, and welcome to your first ever panic attack! The only reason I didn't start screaming was because I was afraid I would never ever stop. And the only reason I didn't come shooting out the wall of the trailer like Wile E. Coyote was because there were even more spiders between me and it. It was Not Fun and I still feel nauseous even today just thinking about, so let's move on shall we? Brrr.

In other, fewer-legged news, Todd and I are starting some serious home remodeling. We're not doing anything structural, but we sure are making changes. And it's stressing me right the hell out. My dreams for the last two weeks have revolved around tile, carpet, granite, appliances, siding, and several plotlines that seem to have been stolen directly from HGTV's more annoying shows. Also, this morning I dreamed that we'd ordered a top-of-the-line range and dishwasher, only to find out that the bank had taken all our money away and Sears was coming to repo the cats, I presume to hold them hostage until I cleaned out my trust fund to pay for both the appliances and a new sports car for the delivery man. Which, after last-night's cat ass-plosion, wasn't nearly as effective a tactic as you might think. Anyway, weíve already started several projects and weíre committed on several more, so here goes. The next few months are going to be insane.

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Not as good as 1994 Cheney, but close
Tuesday, September 4, 2007 - 03:26 p.m.

The other day I actually sat through Tom Delay's Dance of the Douchebag "interview" on the Today Show. I think it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. The man just canít grasp that itís the delicious delicious hypocrisy of Republicans that makes their scandals such great stories, not the scandals themselves. And so instead of answering questions, he bitched and argued and ranted. It was obnoxious, but also fascinating in a sick sort of way.

But, since I was thinking of Republican hypocrisy AND Tom Delay, I thought this was a fun way to tie it all together:

I cannot support a failed foreign policy. History teaches us that it is often easier to make war than peace. This administration is just learning that lesson right now. The President began this mission with very vague objectives and lots of unanswered questions. A month later, these questions are still unanswered. There are no clarified rules of engagement. There is no timetable. There is no legitimate definition of victory. There is no contingency plan for mission creep. There is no clear funding program. There is no agenda to bolster our overextended military. There is no explanation defining what vital national interests are at stake. There was no strategic plan for war when the President started this thing, and there still is no plan today."

- Representative Tom Delay (R-TX)

Funny story, here. See, heís actually not talking about Iraq. No, because to look at how Iraq compares to those very points would make far too much sense, and if thereís anything Tom Delay is utterly incapable of, itís logic and/or consistency. Unless, of course, youíre talking about consistently being a douchebag.

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