Pictures from Vacation
Monday, June 30, 2008 - 11:08 a.m.

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He's too calm
Friday, June 27, 2008 - 07:28 p.m.

Todd just sat on the tarmac in Newark for two hours and thirty-four minutes. If it were me, I would have totally crapped a brick sideways around hour two. Because that shit? Where they put you on a plane, leave the gate, and then mock you? For HOURS? That shit makes me crazier than (CIRCLE ONE):

a) a sack of weasels
b) a shithouse rat
c) a junebug on a polecat*
d) all of the above

*WTF does that even mean?

(If you guessed D, you're correct! I think.)

Anyway, because of the delay, he'll miss his flight to Huntsville by almost exactly an hour. Also, there is only one flight out of Cincinnati tomorrow morning. Woe.

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Because, like, my civic duty is too hard
Friday, June 27, 2008 - 11:33 a.m.

Driving into work yesterday morning, I happened to hear this NPR interview with a group of twelve swing voters. Near the end of it, I think my head might have actually exploded. I'm fairly sure the entire point of the piece was to serve as a warning to NPR listeners that these mouthbreathers not only exist, but also VOTE.

The entire thing was oh so painful, but the part that nearly killed me was when it was stated that although the voters didn't agree on McCain or Obama, they were all mad at the media for not giving them enough information. The statement that really made me choke was this:

"I still don't know very much about either platform. Like, what John McCain is actually going to do if he becomes President. And the same thing for Barack Obama. I just know vote for change. I don't know what change! I know there's been a lot of coverage, but I'm still, like, I'm waiting for the meat of it."

Seriously. This cow is upset beause the media has let her down by not spoon-feeding her an opinion. All her questions could be answered if she'd just do some research, listen to entire speeches instead of the sound bites, and pay attention for longer than a 60-second news blip. But no, she'd rather turn that responsibility over to the media. And she VOTES!

(Okay, I have to stop and breathe deep for a minute, because, really? REALLY? Are you KIDDING ME? in through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, out through the mouth)

Anyway, today I ran across this article by George Stephanopoulos (ha) titled "How to Be a Better Voter." There's a lot that could be added to it (for instance, "Consider What Affects YOU, Not Which Candidate Will Best Oppress People You Don't Even Know"), but it's not a bad start. And I think every person interviewed in that NPR piece ought to be forced to read it thoroughly.

But only after they're each whapped soundly on the top of the head with a wiffle bat.

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Thursday, June 26, 2008 - 10:39 a.m.

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Clearly, I need some underoos
Friday, June 20, 2008 - 11:13 a.m.

Kristen Schaal is my new hero(ine).

(For some reason the video won't embed. You'll just have to clink the link, but trust me, it's SO worth it.)

"Presidents aren't supposed to cry? Huh, I suppose these are just Freedom Drops."

"Apparently sex is the only power we have! Oh, that and emotional intelligence, tenacity, judgment....ah, poison."

"Wow. If Hillary's not ripping off men's nuts, she's asking them to do chores. Good thing she's not going to be president, or there'd be garbage bags full of testicles on every curb in America."

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And then they offered me a crumpet "for the road"
Thursday, June 19, 2008 - 04:40 p.m.

Most of this week has been spent on the phone either with various ADEM employees or various crazy rednecks. The ADEM employees are nice, but the sheer illogic of the regulatory situation my client is in is maddening. The crazy, angry rednecks are, well, crazy and angry, but they give me funny stories to tell my the expense of my ability to see good in the world. Honestly, I'm not sure which group is more frustrating to deal with. (Although I know which one made me renew my commitment to birth control in the water supply.)

Anyway, my brain is complete mush from days spent reading EPA regulations and standard test methods. Maybe that's why I'm having insane dreams at night. My brain can no longer formulate a reasonable plot line, so it just goes with All Batshit, All the Time. Whatever the reason, I keep waking up going, "What. The. Eff." Then the cats in rain suits cavorting next to the geysering toilet in my office tell me to go back to sleep, because I'm interrupting their fancy tea party.

On the baby front, now his jabs / pokes / roundhouse kicks / cartwheels are actually visible. I spend an awful lot of time literally naval-gazing, because I don't think I'll ever get used to the sight of my belly jolting around like that. I've also just been reminded that I'll never get used to the bladder karate-chop. Ai yai yai, kid.

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They're always watching
Tuesday, June 17, 2008 - 10:45 a.m.

Google finally put up their Streetview for Huntsville. So far, I've found my 4-Runner in three locations (home, work, and campus) and one picture of me coaching the UAH paddling team.

If I have to be on Streetview, I'm just happy I'm wearing pants. I'm also happy you can't really tell it's me.

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Grumblecakes: Boring Engineer Edition
Monday, June 16, 2008 - 03:00 p.m.

For certain types of industrial discharge, the ADEM has a maximum residual chlorine limit of 0.019 ppm with a monthly average of 0.011 ppm. But most meters can only read down to 0.01 ppm with an error of +/- 0.01 ppm, AND they only read to the hundredth.

So just how the eff am I supposed to prove a company meets the restrictions if there isn't a meter sensitive enough to give a definite yes or no? And who the hell WROTE these requirements???

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Friday, June 13, 2008 - 04:14 p.m.

I admit, I'm a fan of Meet the Press. I think it's one of the few political shows where the debate remains civil and fairly honest, and I had a lot of respect for Tim Russert. And so this makes me very sad.

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Fox News: Bringin' the Crazy
Friday, June 13, 2008 - 10:19 a.m.

Let's see:

1) Calling a candidate's wife his "baby mama"?


2) Calling respect knuckles a "terrorist fist jab"?


3) Joking about the assassination of a presidential candidate?


4) Seeing terrorism in a shawl worn in a doughnut commercial?


...You know, the sheer silliness of it all would be hilarious if I wasn't so terribly afraid that people somehow still take them seriously.

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Heart officially broken
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 - 09:52 a.m.

Okay, see, it's stories like this that totally destroy my fragile faith in humanity: "Fire chief: 'Burned kittens worst thing I've ever seen'"

The pictures on the news this morning were pretty awful, too.

You know, normally I have a strict "no lighting people's feet on fire" policy, but in this case, I believe I could make an exception.

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Although MEW might be appropriate
Monday, June 9, 2008 - 04:40 p.m.

Dude, boy names are like, eleventy hojillion times harder to come up with than girl names. Especially when the middle name is dictated by familial tradition and inconveniently begins with a vowel. No matter how much I like certain J-names, I'm not putting JEW on my child's backpack.

That is all.

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The verdict is in
Friday, June 6, 2008 - 10:09 a.m.


(Now my brain is taking several steps backward and gibbering in panic, because a BOY? Seriously? You're kidding me right? You're sure it's not just a third arm or something? No? But I don't know ANYTHING about little boys, you can't actually trust me to keep one alive. Wait. This...this means hockey camps, doesn't it? Oh man.)

Anyway, the sonogram showed a strong, healthy 1 pound, 2 ounce baby boy who already appears to have inherited his dad's big ol' head. Todd and I both are happy, excited, and can't wait to meet this kid in October.

I really wish I had some cool pictures to share, but the dude is crammed so far down behind my pelvic bone, they had to hang me nearly upside down just to get a shot of the goods. There was no way he was going to show his face. This is the best we could do:

Thankfully, there was absolutely no sign of hockey skates. Not to say that Todd won't have a tiny pair waiting in the delivery room.

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Thank god that's over with
Thursday, June 5, 2008 - 12:39 p.m.

Every time I see him on TV, I hope a little more that Terry McAuliffe, Clinton's incompetent campaign chairman, will be hit by a speeding bus.

Also, it's just shameful that Hillary had to be told to concede. There's no dignity left there. None at all.

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Illegal doesn't mean it didn't happen
Tuesday, June 3, 2008 - 12:38 p.m.

The New York Times has an article today from a retired gynecologist who practiced in New York City from 1948 to 1953. It's a fairly graphic essay about many of the complications he saw from illegal abortions, and it's a perspective you rarely hear from when abortion is debated. It's also a subject I think few Anti-Choice proponents really allow themselves to think too much about.

"It is important to remember that Roe v. Wade did not mean that abortions could be performed. They have always been done, dating from ancient Greek days.

What Roe said was that ending a pregnancy could be carried out by medical personnel, in a medically accepted setting..."

Dr. Waldo L. Fielding, "Repairing the Damage, Before Roe"

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