about me




- friends -

Club Todder
Digital Tirade

- wanderings -

Get Fuzzy
The Onion
Michael Whelan
Stephanie Law
String Theory

- past tense -

24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

.:. Phone Call
Friday, May 30, 2003 ~ 03:43 p.m.

According to Jared...

It's ALL my fault!

Because he couldn't blame Jessica.

| Link

.:. Hurry up and wait
Friday, May 30, 2003 ~ 12:54 p.m.

Quote of the Day: "A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking."

I'm resisting the urge to pace. We're in kind of a lull at work and the lack of work is only making my restlessness worse. I feel like I'm waiting on something to happen. I'm on edge over nothing - not angry or upset or anything really negative, but tense - and I have yet to identify why. Too distracted to be productive, but too uneasy to be left without work to do. There's nothing going on to make me feel this way, but I feel like the other shoe is about to drop. If only there'd been a first shoe. ;-) My dad would say I'm "like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers." *grin* I suppose I'll return to sanity soon enough.

The trip to Philadelphia next month is looking more and more improbable. Only four people wanted to go in the first place and now it looks like two won't be able to. That means that I can't afford to go either. Of course, as
Todd pointed out, last year's roadtrip to Nationals, while fun, wasn't exactly beneficial. When you put it like that, there really isn't any reason for us to go. So no big loss if it doesn't work out, and I'll get my sofa a week earlier.

In other news, I couldn't but help get a sinking feeling when I realized that the Engineering Student Council president doesn't know what the FE exam is. Yikes.

Current Music: 'Tower' - Vienna Teng

| Link

.:. Ban the houses!
Thursday, May 29, 2003 ~ 10:47 a.m.

It should be illegal to transport houses down major roadways during rush hour. Every week there is at least one morning where traffic on 565 is totally snarled because there is half of a damn house taking up two lanes, going 45 mph. What kind of an idiot tries to transport a house through the heaviest traffic of the day? I think I'm going start an organization to express my indignation, but I'll need a good acronym. OTBHFMR just doesn't flow.

I promised to help Deb Tuesday night, then promptly forgot it was Tuesday. That means I'm helping her tonight, but I forgot that the Cam meetings are held on Thursday night too. So not only do I have to suffer through dealing with Deb's child, I also have to suffer through dealing with the newbies I despise. It's going to be a looooooooooong evening. At least Deb's kitten is pretty cute, when he's not doing his impression of a Cuisinart.

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

Current Music: 'The Scientist' - Coldplay

| Link

.:. Everything's so....blue....
Wednesday, May 28, 2003 ~ 12:17 p.m.

So...I got a little bored at work today. I've been meaning to get rid of my old layout for months now, but I haven't had the chance to sit down and think up a new one. I still haven't. I threw this together because I couldn't stand the last layout another minute.

Until I get home and get a chance to play, this is what you've got. It's a little funny, I know, and I don't even want to hear the Mozillites start in. *glares around* I'll make a better one when I get the chance.

Anyone have any ideas?

UPDATE: Okay, the blue was a bit much. This is a little more tolerable as a transition layout. ;-) At least it doesn't look like a smurf exploded.

| Link

.:. Calling all space nerds
Wednesday, May 28, 2003 ~ 08:31 a.m.

Tonight at 7 PM there is a SEDS meeting in RI M-50. In addition to discussing methods to revive the club from its two-year slump, they'll also be talking about the Artemis Society. Very cool, very interesting. I've been following them a little ever since I took fluids last year. Jessica, Jeff, Greg, and all the rest of you should definitely be there.

Today is a happy day!

| Link

.:. Sneak attack
Tuesday, May 27, 2003 ~ 10:27 p.m.

Ever have one of those days where nothing went wrong and you're actually pretty happy at the general outcome of everything, but deep down you're just looking for an excuse to let all your hurt and all your anger at the general unfairness of the universe explode at anyone who happens to get in your way?


Today was one of those.

I'm going to go dose myself with chocolate now and hope I don't maim anyone before breakfast.

| Link

.:. Brain stretch
Tuesday, May 27, 2003 ~ 01:39 p.m.

Earlier today my dad sent me a list of pages he found on NASA's web site dealing with environmental systems design. Working from those, I found this book: "Designing for Human Presence in Space: An Introduction to Environmental Control and Life Support Systems." That should be enough to keep me occupied for a while. *grin*

I realized today that classes have started back up. May kind of disappeared on me! Anyway, sometime this week I have to sit down with Dr. Leonard and Shalana to figure out exactly what I'm doing for my honors thesis thingy. Apparently there's some money available if we work on ECLSS, but I'm not sure what we have to do to get it.

*yawn* Work = boring.

| Link

.:. Nothing in particular
Monday, May 26, 2003 ~ 04:26 p.m.

Amazingly enough, my car is actually silver. Not brown, not tan, not beige, not grey. Silver. I finally bathed the poor thing today; I'm sure it feels naked without its customary coat of grime. In addition to that, I also got its oil changed, its tires rotated, its alignment checked, and its tags renewed. It is very happy - I am very poor.

It was a really nice weekend. One of the high points was meeting up with Kimberly and JoAnna Sunday morning for lunch. Jo brought Eli with her - Jen, you wouldn't believe how cute he is. Or how big. Jo herself looks wonderful. I think being a mom really agrees with her. ;-) We didn't get much time to hang out, but we all got to catch up a little bit. It was great to see them both - I just wish we'd gotten more time.

Today, for the first time in years, I found myself sincerely not wanting to come back to Huntsville. If it wasn't for that pesky job thing, I'm not sure I would have. I kind of envy Jessica, who's been gone almost twenty days now. Sometimes it's good to spend a little while avoiding life.

Current Music: 'Mona Lisa' - Guster

| Link

.:. Score Update
Thursday, May 22, 2003 ~ 09:55 p.m.

Karma - 3
Sarah - 0


| Link

.:. The Truth Will Emerge
Thursday, May 22, 2003 ~ 01:06 p.m.

"There is ample evidence that the horrific events of September 11 have been carefully manipulated to switch public focus from Osama Bin Laden and Al Queda who masterminded the September 11th attacks, to Saddam Hussein who did not. The run up to our invasion of Iraq featured the President and members of his cabinet invoking every frightening image they could conjure, from mushroom clouds, to buried caches of germ warfare, to drones poised to deliver germ laden death in our major cities."

"The tactic was guaranteed to provoke a sure reaction from a nation still suffering from a combination of post traumatic stress and justifiable anger after the attacks of 911. It was the exploitation of fear."

"What has become painfully clear in the aftermath of war is that Iraq was no immediate threat to the U.S. Ravaged by years of sanctions, Iraq did not even lift an airplane against us. Iraq's threatening death-dealing fleet of unmanned drones about which we heard so much morphed into one prototype made of plywood and string."

"But, the Bush team's extensive hype of WMD in Iraq as justification for a preemptive invasion has become more than embarrassing. It has raised serious questions about prevarication and the reckless use of power."

"Meanwhile, lucrative contracts to rebuild Iraq's infrastructure and refurbish its oil industry are awarded to Administration cronies, without benefit of competitive bidding, and the U.S. steadfastly resists offers of U.N. assistance to participate. Is there any wonder that the real motives of the U.S. government are the subject of worldwide speculation and mistrust?"

"Indeed, we may have sparked a new international arms race as countries move ahead to develop WMD as a last ditch attempt to ward off a possible preemptive strike from a newly belligerent U.S. which claims the right to hit where it wants."

"When it comes to shedding American blood - - when it comes to wreaking havoc on civilians, on innocent men, women, and children, callous dissembling is not acceptable. Nothing is worth that kind of lie - - not oil, not revenge, not reelection, not somebody's grand pipedream of a democratic domino theory."

Senator Robert Byrd - May 21, 2003

| Link

Thursday, May 22, 2003 ~ 08:23 a.m.

"If I had 90 billion dollars, I'd buy all the pants in America...and burn them." - Louis C.K.

Tuesday night I was informed that somehow I was dragged by a third party into nearly ending two friends' relationship. It wasn't anything that I'd done, except maybe exist. I don't much appreciate being used, particuarly as a tool to hurt people. That means I have a score to settle. Fortunately, sanity prevailed, the blindingly obvious was upheld, and melodrama was avoided.

Speaking of relationships, Todd's back in town. He got back yesterday. We haven't talked since the 12th, except for a couple brief exchanges that were kept as superficial as possible. There's a world of difference between "giving someone time" and cold-shouldering them. I don't understand what's going on at all and I'm honestly not sure what to do. Maybe I'll just kick him in the shins.

Looks like it's going to be an incredibly boring day at work. With all the rain, there's practically nothing to do except finish up the work left from yesterday. Jackie started work this morning, so I'll probably end up wandering back to the lab in a while and see how things are going. As long as it's not the insanity of yesterday, I'll be happy.

Current Music: 'Elsewhere' - Sarah McLachlan

| Link

.:. You can't be serious...
Wednesday, May 21, 2003 ~ 08:46 a.m.

Apparently I'm missing a big piece of the picture because I refuse to believe that our government would be so stupid as to blatantly flaunt our double standards to the world.

"Rumsfeld said the administration just wanted to study these weapons, 'not to develop, not to deploy, not to use' them."

You know, if I was leader of Iran or Saudi Arabia or pretty much any other country in the world, I'd be having kittens right now. A nation that has just attacked another soverign nation without provocation - a nation that is openly looking to pick another fight with someone, anyone - has just announced that it wants to lift a 10-year ban on nuclear arms research.

How is it that this doesn't strike the American people as wrong? I must be missing something.

| Link

.:. The things you hear
Tuesday, May 20, 2003 ~ 08:55 a.m.

"But if my dawg goes onto this other guy's land...!"

*person on the other end explains trespassing*

"But the only way you can get a dawg off a hog is to kill the hog!"

*person continues explaining trespassing*

"So I can't take my gun on his land?"


"But aren't there retrieval rights or something? That's my dawg! He could get tore up on that hog."

*person expresses deepest sympathies for dog and hog alike, but maintains that trespassing, especially with a gun, is illegal*

"Oh. Okay. Thanks anyway."

In case you ever doubted that I work with rednecks, that's the phone conversation going on in the office across from mine. I've been invited out to this hog chase / crawfish boil four times now. Nooooooooo thank you.

| Link

.:. In the news
Monday, May 19, 2003 ~ 07:08 p.m.

"In other news, Casa Mexicana, located on the corner of Jordan and Bob Wallace, burned to the ground tonight. The cause of the fire has been attributed to a bald drunken patron who set fire to his nachos after mistaking them for a Wiccan. He and his two companions fled the scene, stopping only to remove the hubcaps from a car parked outside. Huntsville police are still searching for the three suspects. Citizens are advised that the suspects are potentially dangerous, especially if you are Wiccan."

| Link

.:. My eyes!
Monday, May 19, 2003 ~ 04:18 p.m.

Oh the blinding stupidity of it all. *sigh* If I've ranted once, I've ranted a thousand times, so I'm just not going to say anything this time. Read it and weep.

Last week when I found out that Josh was leaving, I gave my boss Jackie's resume. I talked to a couple people here and Jackie came in this morning for an interview. He's got a job here at QORE if he wants it. Should be interesting. ;-)

And no, I did NOT literally punch Jeff in the stomach! That was my sister. *grin*

| Link

.:. In place of a violent rant against the Y chromosome...
Sunday, May 18, 2003 ~ 04:34 p.m.

...I instead give you this colorless, bland bit of nothing.

Me, I'm not really depressed. I'm not sure how I feel. I get a little angrier every day, but mostly I'm just terribly terribly bitter. I think I'm more upset for my sister than for myself. Peter made her cry, meaning I have to make good on my end of the bargin and break several of his bones. Honestly, I think the boy is making a serious mistake by moving to Nashville.

It was a good weekend, though. My sister is so...unique. ;-) She's fun to have around. I couldn't do much for her except provide a sympathetic ear, but she returned the favor. *hug* I love ya, EB!

Current Music:
'Between' - Vienna Teng

| Link

.:. Quote of the Month
Sunday, May 18, 2003 ~ 10:27 a.m.

Me: "Yeah, that's the problem. All the really cute guys are assholes."

E: "No, not all of them. Some of them are gay."

| Link

.:. Is nothing sacred?
Thursday, May 15, 2003 ~ 02:02 p.m.

Only in California would they try to outlaw Oreo cookies. I think too much tofu makes you weird in the head.

Thanks (and Happy Birthday!) to Greg for hosting an impromptu eclipse party last night. Not only were we able to view the eclipse through his telescope, but we all got to taste elk roast for the first time. Yes, elk. It was good too.

Theoretically my sister is now on her way to Huntsville. She was running about an hour late when last I talked to her, but I assume she's left by now. I don't really have any plans for the weekend, except maybe to go see a movie with everyone tomorrow. The rest of the time is kind of up in the air at the moment. Hopefully she won't be too bored by my decidedly unexciting lifestyle. ;-)

Current Music: 'Alone' - Angie Aparo

| Link

.:. Random
Thursday, May 15, 2003 ~ 09:13 a.m.

In case you hadn't already heard, tonight from about 10:15 to 11:00 central time there's going to be a total lunar eclipse. The entire eclipse will start at about 8 PM and last until 1 AM. You should at least go outside and take a look, no matter where you are. :-) It's nifty.

The ASCE meeting last night kind of reminded me why I'm in that club in the first place - the people are just nuts. *grin* I think it's going to be a fun year. Ooh, and I conned Kareen into going to the bellydance class with me next Wednesday. I won't be the only newbie!

My sister's going to be here tomorrow!

Current Music: 'Mary' - Sarah McLachlan

| Link

.:. Please back away from the Sarah
Wednesday, May 14, 2003 ~ 09:05 a.m.

*giggle* Look! It's me! Well...okay, not really, but the comic's funny anyway. I'm not angry, I'm just a little jumpy. On edge. It's just one of those mood-swing kind of days. If I had a tail, it'd be twitching.

As of yesterday I have been working at QORE for a year. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. ;-) At least it's a job, and honestly not a bad one. Funny how time flies - it sure doesn't seem like a year has gone by.

Current Music: 'Between' - Vienna Teng

| Link

.:. *hiss*
Tuesday, May 13, 2003 ~ 05:49 p.m.

What do you do when the only replies you can formulate are the verbal equivalent of spitting at someone's feet?

Sarcasm isn't exactly becoming, but it's pretty much my only defense these days. That's the bitterness escaping. Still, I'm learning that there are times it's just best to not reply, especially if you happen to care about the person. Cutting remarks are all well and good if you don't have to think about the results.

*bites tongue*

And today was a really damn good day too.

| Link

.:. Prioritize
Tuesday, May 13, 2003 ~ 10:02 a.m.

I was looking through my old Geocities sketches page and I realized that I haven't posted anything new since 2001. Yegads, but those things are old. I started thinking that I should throw some new stuff up there, since I'd like to think I've improved at least a little. *looks pained* Then I realized that I haven't actually finished a single drawing since June of 2001. *blink* That's just sad, people. I've started on a few drawings over the last two years, mostly just to study something I have trouble with, but I either lost interest or just never had the time to finish them. Even last summer when I wasn't taking classes I hardly ever picked up my sketchbook.

Drawing is like dance. It's something I love to do, even if I'm not particularly good at it. Both are activities I'd like to get back into doing. I feel like I've lost touch over the last few years with lot of the things that make me happy. Why? Well, there's all kinds of reasons I could come up with. They bear a pretty strong resemblance to the reasons I throw up for loosing touch with some of my friends. School, work, too busy, yadda yadda blah blah blah.

I finally have free time again and this summer looks like it's going to be the perfect opportunity to get back into some of those activities. With my foot still messed up, ballet is out for the moment, but I'm also thinking about trying a few new things. I'd like to try bellydancing, and yoga looks like fun. Maybe I could con Jess into taking yoga. ;-)

| Link

.:. Monday + Sarah = Crawl under desk and hide
Monday, May 12, 2003 ~ 08:14 a.m.

It's a damn good thing I don't have balls because if I did, not only would I be a freak, but it's also a sure bet God would have kicked me in them at least twice before I got to work today. That's just the kind of day today is. I have the distinct feeling that it really shouldn't be gorgeous outside; rather, there should be some sort of apocalyptical weather event raining doom down upon the city of Huntsville. That would suit my mood much better. Dooooooom.

You know how when you have a nasty cut or a really horrific-looking bruise, you can't help but mess with it? You have to keep checking. *poke* "Yep, still hurts.......@#$^&!" Then you sit around for a while wondering what exactly prompted you to do something so stupid when you felt perfectly fine before. That's pretty much how I am with Todd. Hmm...things seem better.... *poke*.......@#$^&!!!

Same song, second verse, but at least then there was hope that things could change. Now it's pretty much a done deal. Backbone regrowth nearly complete. Maybe one day I'll get to regrow a heart too.

Current Music: 'Circle' - Sarah McLachlan

| Link

.:. *sniffle*
Saturday, May 10, 2003 ~ 10:43 p.m.

Tonight Barbara hosted a graduation party for our Senior design class. It was lot a fun, but at the same time depressing because everyone is getting ready to go their separate ways. I'm happy that everyone is moving on to bigger and better things, but it's going to be really lonely next semester without them. It's been the same group since pretty much since our freshman year and it's sad to see them all go while I'm stuck behind for one more semester.

At least it's been a fun couple of years. It's been hell, but we all stuck it out and actually had a good time doing it. I hope we stay in touch, but I'm not really expecting many of us to.

| Link

.:. A Head Start
Thursday, May 8, 2003 ~ 10:07 p.m.

On a whim, I decided that since the ASCE chapter is gearing back up again for the summer, I'd begin composing the introduction for next year's design paper. Suprisingly enough, it was much easier to write than this year's.

"This year's boat, The Hell With You Too, is Team UAH’s most technologically advanced concrete canoe yet. However, since you didn't give a rat's ass about our technology last year, we're not really expecting you to this year either. So instead of boring you with technical details, the next seven pages will be a short dissertation based on the fascinating symbiotic relationship between Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad and sentient toe cheese. This ensures that should you, the judges, happen to accidentally grow a conscience sometime in the next few hours, you won't have to worry about its inconvenient pricking as you, once again, gleefully rape Team UAH in its collective ass. As for us, we'll just console ourselves with trouncing everyone else on the water AGAIN and go home knowing that when we lose, at least this time we earned it."

Hmm. Needs a little tweaking, but I think on the whole it's workable.

Current Music: 'The Old Ways' - Loreena McKennitt

| Link

.:. Yet Another Rant
Wednesday, May 7, 2003 ~ 08:51 a.m.

Quote of the Day: "American blood has been shed on foreign soil in defense of the president's policies. This is not some made-for-TV backdrop for a campaign commercial." - Sen. Robert Byrd

I find it quite irritating that Bush, whose permission to fly was revoked by the military (he was suspended, assigned to a disciplinary unit, and not allowed to fly military assignments again), shows up to congratulate REAL military personnel wearing a flight suit and acting like an equal.

The man skipped out on a year of his National Guard duty! He refused two DIRECT orders to appear for duty, and then he failed to show at the disciplinary unit he was assigned to! He was a mediocre pilot at best and even that he threw away because he refused to take a simple drug test.

He has nothing in common with the troops in Iraq. Nothing. But somehow we watch him greet those men and women in military garb, using their homecoming as a platform for his self-congratulatory speeches, and the only one who has the balls to speak up and say THIS IS WRONG is 85-year old Robert Byrd.

"But I do question the motives of a desk-bound president who assumes the garb of a warrior for the purposes of a speech." And quite right too. There is no justification for Bush's blatant misuse of the Lincoln's homecoming. If you think there is, I'd love to know how you defend your opinion.

| Link

.:. It's raining, it's pouring
Tuesday, May 6, 2003 ~ 12:51 p.m.

As of 10 AM this morning, the entire south side of campus was under water. The police blocked off Lakeside Drive completely and were just reopening the loop from Technology Drive. The duck pond was so high that it reached past the road and halfway up the hill and only two inches of railing on the dock were visible. The culvert under the road leading to JRC and the police station was underwater and the area across from the Rec Center on the north side of Holmes was threatening to flood over the road. It was quite impressive! And now we're hearing that whole roads have been washed away downtown and the VBC had water four feet deep running through the halls. That's just amazing.

Update: Mike sent me
this link. The pics are of the area surrounding Tech Hall (the building I've been living in for the past few weeks for those of you who don't go here).

We were supposed to give our canoe presentation to the city ASCE chapter today, but because of the weather we had to cancel it. No one was showing up, we couldn't get the trailer out of the JRC parking lot, and the weather didn't look like it was getting any better. I feel bad for bailing on them, but we just couldn't do it. They've rescheduled us for July, which actually works out better anyway.

In other news, I didn't know Jessica was leaving for THREE WEEKS. I knew she was leaving, but I assumed it was only through the weekend, since she's been talking about working a couple jobs this summer. Somehow three weeks was never mentioned until Jeff told me last night. I wish I had a job that would let me go for three weeks at a time. Of course, it helps that she tapes classes and classes don't start until May 27th, but still....it'd be nice to have a vacation like that.

| Link

.:. How the weekend went
Monday, May 5, 2003 ~ 04:36 p.m.

I've discovered it's very few people who understand the appeal of foam fighting. Most of you out there can't comprehend how much fun this past weekend was, but I had an awesome time. I actually only fought Friday and Saturday mornings, but the rest of the time was spent either watching battles or just relaxing. Half the appeal of a Dagorhir event is just sitting in the woods, enjoying the quiet, and not worrying about time or work or anything at all. The parties were fun too and being left by myself forced me to make some new friends that I might not have started talking to otherwise. *grin*

Of course, the problem with having time to just sit around and think means that you actually end up thinking. Over the last few weeks I've just been pushing stuff to the background because I didn't have time to worry about anything but school. Without the insane academic workload to keep me occupied, I'm having to face up to the various issues I've been avoiding. It didn't help that over the weekend I was reminded (repeatedly) that happy couples can be exceedingly nauseating when you're bitter. Not that I blame them - it's just jealousy. Of course, the fact that some of the other bitter people were just so much fun kind of made up for it. Arrr matey, worship Bob 5.0. ;-)

So anyway, it was a good weekend and most of the pain was well worth it. Having my spleen relocated to my upper chest cavity wasn't particularly pleasant, but the rest of it was good fun. Now I'm looking forward to Equinox!

| Link